I walked into camp this year thinking it was going to be easy and all would be right with the world! I thought I would have 5 of my six boys, they would tell me endless stories in perfectly clear English of how they love school and are getting incredible discipleship, and their families have all decided to treat them with pure love and respect for being great students. In my head, this was going to be a walk in the park- skipping and whistling a joyous toon!
Well, reality is, it's a little different than that. I only have 3 of my six boys. I am trying so hard to get to know 7 new boys. They are precious, they each now hold a very deep special place in my heart. Just when I thought I couldn't handle anymore, there was room, enough of me to love all of them.
This day at camp we spend a lot of time doing one on one blessing time with the kids. This is when you find out the scary stuff! Kennedy's mother has died in the last year- he is now a DOUBLE orphan-, Harrison's a double orphan and not feeling the love in the house he stays at, Haggai wants to be in school so that others don't laugh at him, Chola lives with his grandmother and about 7 other family members, rodrick is just is so smart and cant afors to eat much less go to school, and it goes on. To watch a 10 year old grieve the death of a parent, is heart wrenching. They don't know where their next meal will come from or if anyone will give them a home, and if they do, will they love them? Blessing time is great bc you get one on one time with the kids, you can speak directly to them, have some quality time to let them know you love them and pray for them. Kids in Zambia are not listened to, they don't talk to adults unless they are answering a question. Adults don't look children in the eyes, hug them or worry about their safety and livelyhood, so for us to sit and let them talk about whatever they want is special time. It is when you hear the big beautiful dreams of being Dr or Pilot, and the scary stuff, like witches come in at night, they are beat or the much dreaded answer to my question "who loves you?"... And they say, "no one"... I DO, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL THE HEART I HAVE AND EVERY INCH OF MY BEING, I LOVE YOU, with tears falling and hugs being held tight- I may be the only one that they know loves them, the first time they have heard the words, I LOVE YOU!
I didn't get through all of the blessing time today, but the ones I did, were amazing, scary, tender, eye opening and in the end, filled with lots of unconditional love and prayer.
Chola is having a rough day today. I don't know what is going on. He isn't talking about it. It's breaking my heart. I just keep giving big hugs, reminding him I have thought of him everyday for an entire year and I will not give up on him, his education or his journey through what is goin on now.
I don't want to leave- I am already fretting about this. I love these kids. I feel like I am doing something here, making a difference, even if just in one child's life, I feel like I have a meaning here...
I keep hearing the phrase "life more abundantly" I want to give this to these children, and I want it- I want to live a life more abundantly in Love, friendship, faith, patience... I want it all more abundantly... And I want it here- (now if I could just convince the MR...) this is where I feel LOVE- not to be confused with feeling loved and loving- I have that at home. I have told you all before of the ones I love and that love me, but feeling love here is different, maybe bc it is so scarce, you feel it in your heart and every cell of your body in a different way than at home. I want to feel the love of these kids everyday, but mostly, I want them to see my love everyday- to give them an example and show them it is a reality.
Pics are being weird about posting- check out FB or say tuned for when I get home and can use a laptop.
keep your heart open, and your mind straight. you are blessed for these feelings.
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