Tuesday

I keep saying how amazing this place is, and it is, I won't deny that. At the same time it is heart breaking and sad and discouraging and just straight up tough! My heart has never felt so fully broken, my mind has never been so conflicted. 

I walked into camp this year thinking it was going  to be easy and all would be right with the world! I thought I would have 5 of my six boys, they would tell me endless stories in perfectly clear English of how they love school and are getting incredible discipleship, and their families have all decided to treat them with pure love and respect for being great students.  In my head, this was going to be a walk in the park- skipping and whistling a joyous toon! 

Well, reality is, it's a little different than that. I only have 3 of my six boys. I am trying so hard to get to know 7 new boys. They are precious, they each now hold a very deep special place in my heart. Just when I thought I couldn't handle anymore, there was room, enough of me to love all of them. 

This day at camp we spend a lot of time doing one on one blessing time with the kids. This is when you find out the scary stuff! Kennedy's mother has died in the last year- he is now a DOUBLE orphan-, Harrison's a double orphan and not feeling the love in the house he stays at, Haggai wants to be in school so that others don't laugh at him, Chola lives with his grandmother and about 7 other family members, rodrick is just is so smart and cant afors to eat much less go to school, and it goes on.  To watch a 10 year old grieve the death of a parent, is heart wrenching. They don't know where their next meal will come from or if anyone will give them a home, and if they do, will they love them? Blessing time is great bc you get one on one time with the kids, you can speak directly to them, have some quality time to let them know you love them and pray for them. Kids in Zambia are not listened to, they don't talk to adults unless they are answering a question. Adults don't look children in the eyes, hug them or worry about their safety and livelyhood, so for us to sit and let them talk about whatever they want is special time. It is when you hear the big beautiful dreams of being Dr or Pilot, and the scary stuff, like witches come in at night, they are beat or the much dreaded answer to my question "who loves you?"... And they say, "no one"... I DO, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL THE HEART I HAVE AND EVERY INCH OF MY BEING, I LOVE YOU, with tears falling and hugs being held tight- I may be the only one that they know loves them, the first time they have heard the words, I LOVE YOU! 

I didn't get through all of the blessing time today, but the ones I did, were amazing, scary, tender, eye opening and in the end, filled with lots of unconditional love and prayer.

Chola is having a rough day today. I don't know what is going on. He isn't talking about it. It's breaking my heart. I just keep giving big hugs, reminding him I have thought of him everyday for an entire year and I will not give up on him, his education or his journey through what is goin on now. 

I don't want to leave- I am already fretting about this. I love these kids. I feel like I am doing something here, making a difference, even if just in one child's life, I feel like I have a meaning here...

I keep hearing the phrase "life more abundantly" I want to give this to these children, and I want it- I want to live a life more abundantly in Love, friendship, faith, patience... I want it all more abundantly... And I want it here- (now if I could just convince the MR...) this is where I feel LOVE- not to be confused with feeling loved and loving- I have that at home. I have told you all before of the ones I love and that love me, but feeling love here is different, maybe bc it is so scarce, you feel it in your heart and every cell of your body in a different way than at home. I want to feel the love of these kids everyday, but mostly, I want them to see my love everyday- to give them an example and show them it is a reality.

Pics are being weird about posting- check out FB or say tuned for when I get home and can use a laptop. 

Day two 2013

I love Zambia- actually, I just really love Zambian children!

We are having a blast! 5 out of 10 of my kids are sponsored, and go to the same school. 

The other 5 are not in school and I will post their stories for you soon. 

The days have been so long and it doesn't seem like I have enough time for good blogs at night this year. I promise to get you all teary eyed soon! 

Tonight it is 11:30 and the alarm is going to ring in 6 hours, so I must go to sleep.

Don't give up on me, keep in touch!  

Monday 2013

First- I read my post from yesterday- it's late here folks, I am working off my iPhone and if blogger doesn't auto correct (or does incorrectly) I am probably going to miss it... Sorry! I will translate later! 

Monday- 

I have to tell ya, I am lovin' life right now! Woke up this morning to tour Lusaka, Zambia. There are some super fancy parts of this city and there are some big hot messes! Our Embassy here is ridiculously large and on pretty high ground, The President of Zambia lives in a beautiful brick home on a lovely street, there are still 1 child out of every 6 people that are orphans, millions of people are living in extreme poverty, Family Legacy is making an impact and some (not all of) some of the "least of these" are getting a fighting chance at life in Zambia Africa.

We stopped in at Garden (one of many slums of Lusaka) to the nearly renovated school. It was once a bar, now it houses the school for all of the Lifeway Christian Academy students of Garden. 

These kids are so proud! They were also so well behaved and quiet! Grinning from ear to ear to show off there new school! 

They have a program called "One Way" the kids recite this together.

It is adorable! They are so sweet, so appreciative and respectful of this opportunity- it was heart warming to see them in school and so happy! It's a privilege, not a right. It is an opportunity, not a chore. It is a beautiful feeling to see kids so eager to learn! 

After the tour it was off to camp- I have ten boys waiting for me and I want to see my kids!!! I was expecting 5 of my six from last year. I only have 3. One of my boys, Taurai, is attending ( a government school) so he could not get out of class to attended camp. The other two I am tryin to figure out their stays. 

So, there are three, here is the good news, they are attending school! There is a new attendance program in place and if you don't show up 80% of the time, you don't go to camp! Hallelujah they go to school!!! 

I have added 7 boys- that means I will need to add 7 sponsors, so get ready- the begging starts now! ;-)

It is late, I have an early morning so I am going to make the intro quick! They are a big bunch of total boy mess! This is going to be so much fun! They have extreme energy, and a lot to say! Highlights: there is a pastor amongst us, Steven, is a preaching, God loving kid that wants the world to know (he also break dances ((there will be a dance off by week end)), Rodrick is the tallest, and speaks great English, but claims to not be at school, lil Richard is a dancer and sings a lot, Haggai and Harrison are quiet and I can't wait for some one on one to figure them out, Richard is sweet and still trying to understand what camp is all about. Silios is stand offish, but I am determined to crack that shell. Kennedy, Chola, and Isaiac are back, we have some catching up to do and I will keep you posted on how that goes. Their English is getting along really well, we are having conversations in English!!! 

Can you pray for these kids for me? I am prepared as I can be to start our one on one blessing time tomorrow- I am afraid I might get some scary truths, so pray for me to have the wisdom and where with all to handle whatever gets tossed my way, of the boys health and safety and that I can come home and find each of them a sponsor. 

Only 8 in the pic bc this is sort of like herding minnows... Did I say big hot bundle of energy? 

I am out- exhausted, looking forward to a great day tomorrow, hopefully my blogging skills get better, today was overwhelming and I need rest...

Keep in touch!! 

July 6, 2013

Landed in Zambia at 6:30, one hundred  ten other Americans arrived with me and we are in a mission! 

After coordinating all the bags, 330 checked bags and 220 carry ons later, we boarded busses and headed to our village. This year we are staying at a hotel, its called the Chamba Valley Exotic Hotel... If by exotic we are talking about the 3 spiders (that are no longer with us), the one spider huddled up in the corner, and the other spider that almost held me hostage in the shower then made me want to possibly burn my backpack because he was heading towards my bag ( I talked him out of it- thank The Lord)! So let's just say, not so exotic by my standards, but not bad by mission trip standards! 

We unloaded our bags, and immediately headed off to help Erin with her Father's Heart food drops. We dropped food for 7 of her darling boys from last years camp. They were so joyful to be receiving so may blessings! 

I got a little blessing along the way, I met up with one of our sponsor children, Chola! Big hugs, tears and excitement! What a sufferance a year makes!! He has def grown and his English was fantastic! He is still very sensitive and super protective of me (didn't like te other kiddos getting too much attention)! 

I love this kid! Running around bare footed, with shorts an a t shirt (it's winter here folks, but it didn't seem to phase him. He looks healthy and we will have one more glorious week of camp together starting Monday! 

We wrapped up Erin's food drops around 1:00, headed for food and then began  unpacking our stuff back at the hotel. 4:00, we headed up to the legacy center to have an orientation meeting and dinner. Got home late, unpacked the final bags and heading to bed at 11:00. 

Keep in mind, still posting from my phone, and late at night, so forgive the spelling and grammar! 

Keep in touch! 

Holy Sunday...

I love some church in Zambia! It is loud and proud and beautiful and I for some reason always feel a little more comfortable and blessed by the experience. My sweet new friend, Macnab, drug me to the front to sing and dance- I bringing home some new moves! 

Church was followed by an amazing Mexican lunch, then the market. Once again, I helped out the Zambian economy! 

Then the real excitement of the day was meeting my painter for the next week. I didn't blog about it, but last years partner situation was a struggle for, so I have been praying for a strong, good, faithful man of God to guide my boys... Thank you God, you placed Elijah in my life this week. He is an employee of Family Legacy, he coordinates  all of the food for the Tree if Life and resident homes. He has been a partner at Camp Life for 5 years. Elijah is married to Ida with twin boys who are 1 1/2 years old. He has been preaching at his church and his prayer at the close of our meeting was beautifully heart warming! I am so thankful to God for Elijah, this is going to be an amazing week for my boys and I! 

We are leaving the Legacy Center now, heading to our hotel for the night. I will hopefully be reunited with my boys tomorrow. That's when it will get heavy- lovin my life right now! 

MR- will you consider a little bit harder the idea if moving to Zambia- I am praying for it!!! 

Keep in touch...

First leg 2013

Independence Day! What a perfect day to head out for the opportunity to bless some beautiful kids, an amazing nation and on a personal journey so dear to my heart. 

Our family came over for a good ol' holiday cookout. Would not have wanted to spend such an important day with any less than my amazing family and dear friends. 

Then after some last minute stuffing  the last few ounces into our bags, and big hugs from everyone- we are off! 

I am not sure why this year I have struggled a little more or in a different way than I did last year, but I have, and I am hoping it is all irrational fears and silly worries that have been twisting me up. MR has had to talk me "down" a few times while tears where spewing and doubt was settling in, my folks have "nudged" me a little more than I wish they had to, and Lemon has reminded me that all I have wanted since the day I got home last year was to be back in Zambia. 

Maybe things have just been unsettled in general for me, maybe, as my MIL has pointed out, my fears and concerns are different than they were last year. I want everyday of my precious kids life to be as great as the days we spent together. Them being kids, having full bellies and surrounded by people who love them. I know it's not the case, and my heart breaks over and over everyday of the year we have been apart that maybe, someone is hungry, someone is in pain, someone lost a parent (or the other parent), somebody was abused, taken advantage of or exploited in some way. My heart breaks daily thinking about these boys and the environment they are living in. And Lord knows if you know me, you know I would bring each of them home and spoil them rotten! BUT, I also agree with Family Legacy, we are raising the future of Zambia, and if my boys are the smallest indication, the future if Zambia is lookin' good!!! I have this amazing Faith that God is working miracles in their lives, through you and I, for these precious lives, to be an amazing force to be reckoned with. We are showing these kids love, and love is what's going to change the mentality and culture of this great nation of beautiful people. 

So I am on the long leg of the trip from London to Zambia. We spent a few hours walking around London today, made our way on the "tube" and got a bite to eat before boarding for this leg. I was pretty sad that they didn't offer the traditional fair of chicken tikka masala for dinner, AND I gave them my "oversized" carry on with my snacks, so I am kind of hungry! Guess God's always teaching us lessons, showing us we are capable of more than we know (yes, that's the lesson I am seeing clear at this moment- I passed on African chicken mystery dinner and hunger is setting in). I also fell asleep as soon as we took off, woke up during one aisle too late to order said dinner and now, oddly, have the energy of a 6 year old on a playground, but with a grumbly belly... I am not a napper- this could be a really long night! 

We land at 6:30 a.m. I won't see the boys till Monday, we will be preparing everything for camp on Sat and Sunday. Hopefully these blogs post as easy this year as last. 

Keep a few prayers going for all of the Americans I am traveling with, the staff that is working so hard to facilitate all this and for the children that will have their lives changed this week from attending camp! 

Keep in touch!

TWO sweet years...

I married an amazing guy on this day TWO years ago. Maybe I have been telling him its been 3, maybe in the best way possible it feels like its been three years. So much has happened, so many adventures, lessons, loves and loss has shared this past two years. 

I thank The Lord everyday for this man of mine. I am sometimes a little more than less desirable, I lose my patience, I flip out over bugs, I freak out over some really petty stuff and I talk way more than he wants to hear or listen to! I am failure at budgets and keeping our financial future in mind. I like to hoard junk food for a rainy day (which makes dieting difficult for him not me). I like my ice cream frozen, not melted. I rarely wash/clean my car. I have this idea of where things go, everything has a place and should be there when I am looking for it (hello Tupperware, dog leash, my keys)  and for all my OCD tendencies I can somehow create a mess like no other. I hog over half of the closet, and oddly, sometimes I leave a dish in the sink. I have developed the MOST annoying way of saying Matt, and he doesn't cringe (anymore)...

Somehow, by the grace of God and a lot of patience (on his part), he still loves me. I know when he says forever he means it. I realize that he did, does and will wants to be married to me forever, and I am finding it so peaceful to know that feeling. Unconditional love- we got it! And I am forever grateful! 

Keep in touch...